


i need you to help me through

by Winterboxx



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Drabble, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian AU, ansgt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:40:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24277513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winterboxx/pseuds/Winterboxx
Summary: Jan's anxiety spikes, leaving her in a bad state and Jackie helps her though it
Relationships: Jackie Cox/Jan Sport
Comments: 1
Kudos: 42





	i need you to help me through

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a drabble request on tumblr and liked it enough to want to post in here, for the sake of self promo i'm @soulfulwinter on there if ya wanna say hi

Emotions were a lot to deal with sometimes. They would and could change with no warning and leave someone in such agonising pain with no explanation. Jan was familiar with this. She had been on the receiving end more than once. The years had lightened it though.

Things were better so she felt better than she had in the past. It made sense that she wouldn't feel as bad as she used to anymore. Right? 

If only that was the truth. Maybe she wouldn't be sitting on the floor, a heavy weight in her chest with a terrifying familiarity that only made it worse. Everything was too much and not enough. Any noise shook her to the core and no noose was terrifying. She needed a distraction yet they only caused more feelings to bubble up inside of her. 

Jackie had caught onto Jan's hidden anxiety a few months prior. A day like the current one. Feebly trying to hide her emotions, her girlfriend saw right through and took a tearful, anxious Jan through it and helped her recover. 

Only Jackie wasn't there. Jan wished she was. She wanted nothing more than to bury her head in the brunette's shoulder, comforted by the familiar scents of her shampoo and perfume. But now she could only hold herself. She needed someone. And yet found herself unable to call anyone, let alone find someone able to help her through this.

The door goes, but Jan doesn’t hear it. She doesn’t hear someone calling her name. Nothing was audible over the loud thoughts, turning into a pounding headache that would only grow stronger as the minutes passed. 

Jackie walked in on an eerily quiet apartment. She stood in the doorway for a minute, hearing nothing and beginning to worry. She called out for her girlfriend but received no reply. Unless the blonde had gone out with no mention of it, something was wrong. The feeling in her gut made Jackie believe it was the latter. She resolved to check it out, looking around and seeing no signs of life until she noticed Jan’s key’s haphazardly thrown onto the coffee table. The blonde was always in a rush when she got home so it wasn’t an uncommon sight. Despite being the whole who bought the key hook, she never grasped using it herself. Jackie picked the keys up, hanging them next to her own. At least she knew Jan was home. 

She walked over to their bedroom, putting an ear up to the door she finally heard a sound. It made her heart sink and stomach twist at the pained cries coming from inside. She quietly opened the door, trying not to create too much noise to worsen the girl’s state. Jan was curled on their bed, head tucked into her knees, letting out short muffled sobs in between quick breaths. Jackie knew what was happening, slowly approaching her girlfriend and gently nudging her. 

Jan threw herself backwards in shock. Her eyes were red, mascara mixed with tears running down her cheeks, leaking inky black lines that had been smudged by a shaken hand, trying to make the evidence disappear. 

“Jan, what's going on baby?” Jackie’s voice was soft, it made Jan’s head quieten for a second, processing the words slowly. She looked up, unable to find the words to explain her current headspace. 

Jackie realised this, sitting herself down next to the girl and slowly pulling her into a comforting hug. Jan broke down again, muffling her sobs into Jackie's shoulder. The brunette stroked her back slowly, whispering quiet, comforting words to her. 

Within some time, Jan's cries slowed, becoming weaker until she was left silent, her head still burrowed into Jackie’s shoulder. 

Jackie had shifted position, realising Jan would need some water to calm herself and rehydrate her after the amount of tears she had shed. Before she could move too far, Jan grabbed her waist with a near iron grip. 

"Please, don't leave."

Her voice was almost inaudible, toned with exhaustion. But Jackie heard the pain and the need for someone. She was not going to leave Jan like this. 

"Hey. I'm with you, okay? Always." 

Jan seemed to accept it, slackening her grip slightly but not letting go. Jackie sat back next to her, letting the blonde stay clung to her. 

“Jan, you need to have something to drink, honey. Should we go to the kitchen and get you some water?” 

Jan nodded soundlessly, keeping her grip on the girl’s waist as they got up and left the room. 

Jan would explain it to Jackie, how nothing specifically had happened but everything hit her at once, sending her spiralling into a panic attack stronger than normal. She confessed to feeling stupid, at feeling such a way for no real reason. Jackie softly grabbed her face, telling her seriously how these things happened. Her emotions didn’t always have to have a trigger, sometimes they came and went at their own will and all Jackie wanted was to help Jan through it. Though Jan’s anxiety rarely got the best of her these days, it still happened. Jackie was there to help her, even if it got worse than it used to, she would have someone there who would never go anywhere. They both promised.


End file.
